Choose Your Own Adventure

You look over to see that a couple of things have fallen out of your pocket. The first being a sizable wooden crate, you're not sure how you got that in there. I mean wow, those pockets must have some serious carrying capacity! And the other object is....



Oh dear, a cigar lighter. How embarrassing!



Well this really rustles your jimmies! You had better hide that thing quick, before someone sees it. People will get the wrong idea about you. You feel like you have been caught with your pants down! Oh, wait...



Anyway, back to the crate. You have no idea what's inside, obviously it must be cool. But how are you even supposed to open that thing?

set it a fire with the lighter

------

use a crowbar, its in the other side of the box

Do A barrel Roll into it

combine lighter with pants
--
survey area

Use your awesome kung fu skills and break it open.

Stand atop a second crate (found in other pocket) and swandive into the first crate.

Smash your head against the crate

*Edit*
You stick your cigar in the key hole and it gets stuck you struggle and accidently light the box on fire

Use your front two teeth like a crow bar to open the crate

Use your cigar to pry it open.

a lighter that looks like a ( I dunno if I am allowed to say this)... condom.

You decide to give this crate a taste of your sweet kung-fu skills with a swift chop.



You are quickly reminded, however, that you do not have sweet kung-fu skills...



You briefly entertain the thought of smashing your head against the crate, but seeing what it did to your hand you come to the conclusion that you should probably not. And your obviously way to busy pretending that lighter isn't yours to consider using it. "Who's is that? Must be some perverts! Hehehe!" You nervously stammer to a passerby.



With nothing stupid left to consider, short of a graceful swan dive head first into the thing, you decide to do something smart and survey the area.



Off in the distance you see a small house on a hill, it looks as if someones at home. Next to the house you see the beginnings of a shitty looking forest of indeterminate size. Closer to you stands a group of three perfectly nondescript individuals, and much closer than that is large hole in the earth of indeterminate depth.

Look in the house for some rope then lower your self into the hole.

use your LEWD BODY to frighten the NONDESCRIPT INDIVIDUALS to scare their PANTS off the equip PANTS and go to HOUSE

Pick up the lighter, go over to the group and make friends with them by lighting their cigars. Then have them help you take the crate over to the house to find something to open it with. You have a feeling that something in the crate will help you with the forest and hole areas.

Set fire to the trees to draw attention to people then whilst they try to put it out carry crate into house and barricade yourself in using the crate and search for ash tray so you can enjoy a nice relaxing smoke with your cigar

Run in the house and karate kick everything without looking and your foot flies into a pot on the stove

approach the individuals and attempt small-talk with a southern drawl.

open the crate by picking up one of the guys and smacking the crate with him

Know down one of the guys and bring it with you to the top of the hill and then use the guy to hit the crate. If it doesnt break at first, it will surely roll down the hill and hit the other guys, breaking.

Speak Alien Language and converse about Goldfish

(Sorry y'all, been busy. Working on it now.)

You approach the strangers and show 'em a little southern hospitality with a great big "Howdy ya'll!" They remain silent. Undaunted, you ask "How about that thar weather?" trying to make small talk.



They glare at you from behind their shades. Their eyes are cold, angry. You can tell that these guys are serious business. They tell you to move along, and that this doesn't concern you.



You begin to fell the weight of their eyes on you and start to perspire heavily. You rattle your brain trying to think of something to do but can't. The next few minutes are spent in an uncomfortable silence.



Then you are saved by the memory of the crate. You still have no means of opening it, but maybe these guys can help a brother out. You direct their attention to the crate sitting behind you and ask if they can "Help git tha dern thang open!" still amusing yourself with the southern accent.



Something about the crate seems to catch one of the men's eyes. He almost seems surprised. Geez brah, it's just a crate. Calm down.



He's taken notice of something written on the side that you hadn't noticed from the angle you had been standing.



Obviously this crate is more important than you had previously thought. Oh man, you can't wait to get this peep show started!



The man's face changes, as if something has clicked. He readjusts his shades.



He huddles up with his buds and begins to whisper something about "the prime objective" and "the package," but you don't catch much more than that. You wonder what it all means, but clearly the other two understand by the looks on their faces.



They break the huddle and compose themselves. With the same cold look as before, one of them thanks you for your help. Before you can even ask what he's talking about the bozos start makin off with your crate! What will you do?

Follow them discreetly, while humming "Secret Agent Man" to self. For the sake of stealth, hum it discreetly.

Karate jump on the crate and prepare to fight CIA ninjas

Point to the lighter to distract them